We either need to be talking about static friction, where the wheels are not slipping, or dynamic friction, where they are. The coefficient of friction is very different, and usually much lower for the slipping case. The coefficient will also be liable to change with slipping as things heat up, and in any case prolonged slipping is liable to quite quickly lead to catastrophic damage.
For the static case, the area in contact makes very little difference to the friction force. The two main factors affecting the friction force are the force normal to the contact, and the actual coefficient of friction. The diameter of the wheel is unlikely to make much difference. Neither is deformation of the wheel or the rail, at least so long as both remain within their elastic limits. Deformation will increase the area in contact, but decrease the force per unit area.
Note things are a bit different with rubber, which can give a coefficient of friction of more than 1, which is not usually possible with other substances. The point of wider tyres is not in itself to give more area, but to allow more rubber so that softer compounds can be used, to give more grip than harder ones do. But the softer ones would wear faster, so by widening the tyre there is more rubber available for a given tread depth. The downside is of course that the wider tyres will aquaplane much more readily.
Sanding will tend to increase the coefficient of friction, and I doubt if the diameter of the wheels makes much difference to this effect, compared to other factors like the wetness of the rail, the depth of leaves or snow etc. One thing I have been told about using sand is that you don't want to overdo it, as you will have to drag the whole train over the sanded rail. The sand that has been embedded in the rail by the weight of the locomotive will roughen the surface and so increase the rolling resistance of the train. Apparently this is noticeable if you use too much sand, eg leave it on once you are past where you were slipping.
John