Hi Ken,if you don't mind taking some advice from a beginner in silver soldering terms, I too struggled with my 5" loco boiler (my first and not yet finished) I found things much improved after changing to a bigger burner, a Sievert 2943 I think, about 43kw.
I also found you have to be patient, it takes quite a while to heat a boiler up to 600+ degrees for the solder to melt. I use 455 solder in the main, 438 on bits that are likely to be reheated a few times.
I usually get my solder and flux from the excellent CUP Alloys.
My hearth is an old BBQ stand and using builders aerated blocks, they seem to work well, cuts easily if you want to make any special shapes, I also bought some wool blanket from CUP.
I can well understand the frustration, it seems that everybody but you finds it easy.
Good luck.
Bill D.