The Chocolate Fireguard as designed by Mercedes Benz

[Nick WheelerParticipant @nickwheeler]

Tim, over the last 25 years the complexity of even ordinary cars is little different to expensive high-end ones. So the faults tend to be similar and are unlikely to be fixable at the roadside. You're not going to make an improvised repair to a failing cranksensor or damaged cambelt even though I've refitted Pinto belts and patched up points ignition systems. Nor are these generic parts; modern alternators are specific to installations and can be a couple of hours work. Unlike the days when you could carry a Lucas alternator and be able to fit it to a large number of very different vehicles.

I used to carry an OBD scantool not to attempt repairs, but to justify an immediate recovery if a complaint arrived. Other common issues were Drive by Wire faults, failed On-plug coils(installation specific remember) and electric handbrakes stuck on for which many manufacturers don't provide a manual release. I would stronvly recommend that everyone turns off their automatic set and release handbrakes. Take all the extra keys off your car keyring too; all that unneessary weight is a common cause of premature lock wear.

[Mike PooleParticipant @mikepoole82104]

I answered a plea for help to change a car wheel. The wheel changing tools may as well have come from space for some people including some members of the male population who once upon a time were expected to know how do these tasks.

Mike

[not done it yetParticipant @notdoneityet]

Ha ha, some wouldn’t even know how to oil the dipstick! My daughter, now over 40, once topped up her metro engine oil via the dipstick hole – at least she knew how the dipstick worked, but I never asked her if the first warning was the oil pressure idiot light. She now has an honours degree in something – not mechanics or engineering. She still retains her basic home repair tool kit but her partner would not be able to use them safely – he is a computer wizz.

[RMAParticipant @rma]

Posted by Tim Stevens on 27/04/2019 16:51:46:

Could it be (I suggest cautiously) that the general run of drivers of Mercs, Audis BMWs etc seem to be totally incapable of looking under the bonnet, or finding the toolkit (if any) or understanding any of the bits or warning lights etc? So the number of truck rescues for them is high. Whereas those of us with second-hand fiestas, skodas, etc, will have a go ourselves, first, and might not need a rescue truck?

Or in other words, some people are ashamed to have cars which need attention, while others are ashamed if they need attention by someone else.

Cheers, Tim

Have you looked under the bonnet of a modern BMW for example? I have always done my own car repairs and maintenance, but this has become less and less over the past couple of decades due to the proliferation of electronics which control most of the systems on modern cars.

If someone can tell me how to disable my brake lights when waiting at lights etc, I'd be pleased to hear it. I have an automatic modern BMW and you have to keep your foot on the brake! And how do you tell the moron in front to switch off their rear fog lights when they are concentrating on hogging the middle lane!

Good thread this, I could go on forever……

[SamsarandaParticipant @samsaranda]

In respect of makes of cars with faults, it seems that a large number of Mercedes, Audi’s and BMWs are delivered without working indicators. !!!

Dave W

[Mike PooleParticipant @mikepoole82104]

Your BMW auto should have a selection N which will stop it driving and let you use the handbrake. Also handy in a pull through type car wash where if you select P the transmission will be locked and the conveyor will be stalled or pull under the wheels.

Mike

[RMAParticipant @rma]

Posted by Samsaranda on 27/04/2019 19:54:04:

In respect of makes of cars with faults, it seems that a large number of Mercedes, Audi’s and BMWs are delivered without working indicators. !!!

Dave W

Ha ha. The old one's are always the best!

[RMAParticipant @rma]

Posted by Mike Poole on 27/04/2019 19:59:36:

Your BMW auto should have a selection N which will stop it driving and let you use the handbrake. Also handy in a pull through type car wash where if you select P the transmission will be locked and the conveyor will be stalled or pull under the wheels.

Mike

I don't know anyone with an automatic who drives that way. I have to keep the foot brake on with the stop/start function, and I don't think the electronic 'hand brake' would control rollback when starting on an incline. I wouldn't dream of putting the cars through a car wash, they create too many swirls to the paintwork.

[Neil WyattModerator @neilwyatt]

Worrying news for my neighbour, who is planning to drive around the world in the Mercedes Unimog he's doing up.

I suspect it hasn't got park assist, you just drive over anything blocking your space.

Neil

[martin perman 1Participant @martinperman1]

I'm forever sending my crystal ball back for repair, it gets overloaded to often trying to work out for me what the car in front is going to do, I avoid anybody driving a BMW like the plague because they always want to be in front of you no matter what it takes, occasionally they get what's due, a couple of Sundays ago I took my wife to do the weeks shopping and because of her physical problems we park, with a blue badge, in a disabled space, a white BMW pulled up next to us and my wife commented that the driver didnt have a badge, he went to a cash machine and came back to the car started it put it into gear and hit a concrete bollard rather hard in front of him, obviously the wrong gear, I said to my wife no matter justice has been served.

Martin P

[Mike PooleParticipant @mikepoole82104]

Some people sit at a standstill with their foot on the clutch, I do use the neutral selection on lights I know have a long sequence, I often turn off the irritating auto stop. The car wash is a bit of a problem with the low profile tyres as the guides can touch the rim of the alloys, the lads at the hand wash do a great job but the pressure washers are pretty fierce.

Mike

[Dave HalfordParticipant @davehalford22513]

Posted by RMA on 27/04/2019 20:24:50:

I don't know anyone with an automatic who drives that way. I have to keep the foot brake on with the stop/start function, and I don't think the electronic 'hand brake' would control rollback when starting on an incline. I wouldn't dream of putting the cars through a car wash, they create too many swirls to the paintwork.

There should be a rollback assist that delays the handbrake.

my Jeep has a footbrake delay for hill starts in case you have been daft enough to use the 'foot' handbrake, heaven help me if it ever goes wrong.

You may have to use a carwash if a little German law becomes an EU one

[NealebParticipant @nealeb]

Don't forget that some of the features that people are complaining about here are added for good reasons. For example, in a number of cars (not all) you need to keep your foot on the brake to operate the engine start/stop feature, specifically to save some (admittedly small) amount of fuel but also to reduce the pollution pushed into the atmosphere, where the cumulative effect of a lot of cars is significant. Aren't high-level brake lights there so that the car behind the car or two behind you gets an early warning? If no-one is showing brake lights, who is going to warn the approaching BMW/white van/hate vehicle of the moment about to hit someone up the chuff?

What actually worries me is that quite of a lot of features are added and are going to be added to cars to overcome the deficiencies of drivers. Automatic braking, speed limiters, etc, come into this category. The average level of driving ability is not that high. And by definition, half the drivers on the road are below that level…

[RMAParticipant @rma]

I have no issue about what anyone drives. I drive many miles per year including a few thousand on the Continent each year, and I see the same irritating things with drivers of all makes of cars. Can I move the debate from German cars to the van man? Amazon have a lot to answer!

Mike, That defeats the object of the stop/start. In long delays it does keep the polution level down, and I hear that there will soon be law to switch off your engine whilst stationary, particularly outside schools. I haven't washed my cars for year's, just use Showroom Shine or equivalent. So quick and no water wasted!

[martin perman 1Participant @martinperman1]

I dont have many gizmo's on my 2009 Subaru Forrester but one I do have is hill start, I find it useful particularly when I have a loaded trailer attached.

Martin P

[V8EngParticipant @v8eng]

Posted by Mike Poole on 27/04/2019 18:53:29:

I answered a plea for help to change a car wheel. The wheel changing tools may as well have come from space for some people including some members of the male population who once upon a time were expected to know how do these tasks.

Mike

 

My wife’s car came with a canister of sealant stuff a little compressor and no spare wheel, when a flat occurred (nail) parked in our garage I thought ‘oh well take the wheel off and go to the tyre place’

The car did not have a wheel nut spanner or jack (from new) good job I had the necessary equipment to hand anyway.

Edited By V8Eng on 27/04/2019 21:17:51

[RMAParticipant @rma]

It's interesting to see how many of you on this engineering forum seem to dislike the technology in modern cars! There's nothing wrong with automatic braking, and as far as I know the proposed speed limiter can be manually overridden.I think everyone will agree that our roads in Britain are massively overcrowded, and any trip these days requires absolute concentration. Anything that can help the driver is welcome in my book. I am however a bit sceptical about the verbal instruction now available………yes, on a BMW! The 'back seat' driver might actually take over!

I love a bit of banter, but this old chestnut about BMW and Mercedes drivers usually indicates a measure of jealousy from people who've never driven one!

[Mike PooleParticipant @mikepoole82104]

There was quite a long period where a Volvo at a T junction put the fear of god into bikers, covering the brake and clutch was essential as they would almost be guaranteed to pull out on you. I am sure it must be in the Highway Code that lane 3 on a motorway is the BMW lane

Mike

Edited By Mike Poole on 27/04/2019 21:22:16

[duncan webster 1Participant @duncanwebster1]

Not sure why Merc and BMW drivers are getting all this stick, Audi's have taken over as favoured car of the *&%! driver

[RMAParticipant @rma]

Ha Ha, I thought they'd put the 4th lane on the M25 for BMW's! It's the driver in the 'modestly priced car', as Clarkson would say, who hogs the middle lane at 60mph who is really dangerous!

[BazyleParticipant @bazyle]

Car wash – another symptom of modern laziness.

When assessing failures you have to look at the rate ie % of those in use not just the numbers. Part of my job involves looking at the failures of our products and the management often get excited about a successful product having higher numbers of failures but I then have to point out that with 3 million in use the actual rate of failure is tiny.

I park forwards 'cos when reversing out there is a nice big space to move into so makes sense to use it on the more difficult manoeuvre. Can't abide the people taking five minutes to coax their 4×4 backwards in to the space for a mini. I don't mind reversing the Landrover though – anything that doesn't get out of the way will come off worse.

[not done it yetParticipant @notdoneityet]

Posted by RMA on 27/04/2019 20:24:50:

Posted by Mike Poole on 27/04/2019 19:59:36:

Your BMW auto should have a selection N which will stop it driving and let you use the handbrake. Also handy in a pull through type car wash where if you select P the transmission will be locked and the conveyor will be stalled or pull under the wheels.

Mike

I don't know anyone with an automatic who drives that way. I have to keep the foot brake on with the stop/start function, and I don't think the electronic 'hand brake' would control rollback when starting on an incline. I wouldn't dream of putting the cars through a car wash, they create too many swirls to the paintwork.

An automatic gearbox changes gears automatically. It relies on the driver to select drive or neutral and apply the hand brake like the highway code says – or used to say. – just like in any other car. Automatic drivers are just too lazy to drive properly. Brake lights are an indication that you are stopping, not parked for minutes on end! Consideration for other road users does not seem to apply to them.

[ChrisHParticipant @chrish]

We have the Berk in the Merc, the Idiots in the Audi and the BarnPot in the Beamer. Says it all.

And we all know the difference between a hedgehog and a Volvo (on a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside…….)

[RMAParticipant @rma]

Posted by ChrisH on 27/04/2019 22:04:40:

We have the Berk in the Merc, the Idiots in the Audi and the BarnPot in the Beamer. Says it all.

And we all know the difference between a hedgehog and a Volvo (on a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside…….)

So now we have left the intelligent debate and resort to not very funny remarks! What out of interest do you drive?

[RMAParticipant @rma]

Posted by not done it yet on 27/04/2019 22:01:31:

Posted by RMA on 27/04/2019 20:24:50:

Posted by Mike Poole on 27/04/2019 19:59:36:

Your BMW auto should have a selection N which will stop it driving and let you use the handbrake. Also handy in a pull through type car wash where if you select P the transmission will be locked and the conveyor will be stalled or pull under the wheels.

Mike

I don't know anyone with an automatic who drives that way. I have to keep the foot brake on with the stop/start function, and I don't think the electronic 'hand brake' would control rollback when starting on an incline. I wouldn't dream of putting the cars through a car wash, they create too many swirls to the paintwork.

An automatic gearbox changes gears automatically. It relies on the driver to select drive or neutral and apply the hand brake like the highway code says – or used to say. – just like in any other car. Automatic drivers are just too lazy to drive properly. Brake lights are an indication that you are stopping, not parked for minutes on end! Consideration for other road users does not seem to apply to them.

Do you actually drive a modern automatic car? Would be interested to hear.

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