Welding and Pacemakers

[Howard LewisParticipant @howardlewis46836]

As a footnote, I have seen photos of USA radio amateurs hand holding fluorescent tubes, that are alight, without any connections,,in the vicinity of a transmitting aerial connected to a high power transmitter!

That must say something about the field!

Howard

[not done it yetParticipant @notdoneityet]

My first microwave oven forty years ago (we are on our second one, now) was demonstrated, for even microwave distribution, by the fellow standing a ring, or strip, of neons inside the oven. I blagged the neon device and used it to demonstrate the inconsistency of several microwave ovens back in the late ‘70/early ‘80s.

Those were the days when some microwave ovens with turntables cooked cakes with circles of different colours on them.😀

[Grizzly bearParticipant @grizzlybear]

Jokes:

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol: 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

So then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one…right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder ……

'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.!

[Grizzly bearParticipant @grizzlybear]

LEXOPHILES (lovers of words)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

8. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

9. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

10. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

11. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

12. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

13. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

14. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

15. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

16. Vaccination: a jab well done.

17. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

18. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

19. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

20. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

21. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

22. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

23. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

24. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

25. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

26. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

27. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

 Mod edit, experimentally fixed format.

Edited By SillyOldDuffer on 17/03/2021 08:33:05

[Grizzly bearParticipant @grizzlybear]

Sunday Engineers.

You probably have seen all of these before, they are quite old, but then they were sent by an engineer.

Understanding Engineers 1

Two engineering students were riding bicycles across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get the great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers 2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers 3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers 4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers 5

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with a Commerce degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?

Understanding Engineers 6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it isn't sufficiently complex yet.

Understanding Engineers 7

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog – now that's cool."

And Finally

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a spanner from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, "6.5 metres," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!" Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and have been elected to Parliament.

Mod, fixed format.

Edited By SillyOldDuffer on 17/03/2021 08:35:14

[Grizzly bearParticipant @grizzlybear]

Apologies,

Should have been a new thread (Jokes).

Back on the tablets now.

Bear..

[bernard towersParticipant @bernardtowers37738]

Sorry but the previous postings have disappeared under the ads!

[Author]

Posts