Hobby related jokes

[Speedy Builder5Participant @speedybuilder5]

Question paper:-

Question 4. Do you know any other number systems besides decimal? If you do, turn to page 6 otherwise continue on page VI.

[colin vercoeParticipant @colinvercoe57719]

Definition of an Expert, X = unknown quantity and a spert is a drip under pressure.

[duncan webster 1Participant @duncanwebster1]

Posted by colin vercoe on 25/02/2018 18:06:19:

Definition of an Expert, X = unknown quantity and a spert is a drip under pressure.

Ex as in has been, sprurt ………

[MWParticipant @mw27036]

Posted by Mick B1 on 25/02/2018 13:09:41:

Posted by Russell Eberhardt on 25/02/2018 10:08:47:

Posted by Mick Charity on 25/02/2018 07:33:32:

The primary function of design is to make it difficult to fabricate & impossible to service.

"design", a much mis-used word now. Originally from the Latin designare meaning to mark out or devise. Now too often used to mean something arty.

Russell

Arty? Some people think a sandwich can be a "designer" item!

I think it's the kind of "oh look at me, I got something that was made so thoughtfully" kind of logic, broken down into simplicity of course.

Michael W

[RobboParticipant @robbo]

I saw an RAC Patrolman parked in his van. He was looking at his SatNav and sobbing uncontrollably.

I thought " he's heading for a breakdown"

[HopperParticipant @hopper]

8,000 Pounds for a Myford lathe.

[Billy BeanParticipant @billybean67480]

Posted by Hopper on 27/02/2018 05:03:09:

8,000 Pounds for a Myford lathe.

Not funny.

[MWParticipant @mw27036]

Posted by Hopper on 27/02/2018 05:03:09:

8,000 Pounds for a Myford lathe.

Years ago, they would've laughed and now it's true!

Michael W

[Mick B1Participant @mickb1]

Posted by Billy Bean on 27/02/2018 07:21:14:

Posted by Hopper on 27/02/2018 05:03:09:

8,000 Pounds for a Myford lathe.

Not funny.

Yep, that really is Machine Tools For The People, ain't it just?

You're right – not really a joke, it's a hopeless shame.

[JuddyParticipant @juddy]

The lakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position

[Graham TitmanParticipant @grahamtitman81812]

Myford lathe only a poor copy of a Atlas which has power cross feed

[Dave HalfordParticipant @davehalford22513]

Posted by Hopper on 27/02/2018 05:03:09:

8,000 Pounds for a Myford lathe.

How much is one of the new ones then?

Edited By Dave Halford on 27/02/2018 10:52:23

[Martin 100Participant @martin100]

Using the manufacturing techniques Myford used to use you might see why 8k was the price to the customer.

But with the 'new Myford' it's difficult to see how it's ended up the same price. For sure it's a lot more 'complicated' than a boxy relatively rough piece of cast iron from the far east, and it's almost certainly better finished but it's one hell a lot of money for not much metal. It only comes with one chuck and is powered by a 0.75kW motor.

But it's not actually '8k' its actually 8150 + VAT

A staggering £9780

To put that in perspective for 30k (plus VAT) you can buy a very capable (far east built with UK support) 3 axis CNC vertical machining centre with an 18" x 14" x 14" axis travel, an 8k CAT40 spindle with a 7.5kW motor (machine weight 2.6 tonne) or for that same 30k (plus VAT) a CNC turning centre that will swing a foot diameter, a foot long, with a 12 station turret, with a 6000rpm spindle powered by a 13kW motor (machine weight 3.2 tonne)

Of course neither of those will sit in the corner of a tiny shed but 9780 quid for just 180kg of machinery? That's 54 quid per kg or £24.50 per pound or £1.50 per ounce

[MWParticipant @mw27036]

Posted by Martin 100 on 27/02/2018 10:55:05:

A staggering £9780

 

nearly gets you one of warco's finest;

**LINK**

I agree, completely ridiculous when compared to the modern market.

Michael W

Edited By Michael-w on 27/02/2018 11:32:56

[HopperParticipant @hopper]

Posted by Mick Charity on 25/02/2018 07:33:32:

The primary function of design is to make it difficult to fabricate & impossible to service.

The Designer

The designer sat at his drafting board
A wealth of knowledge in his head was stored
Like "What can be done on a radial drill
Or a turret lathe or a vertical mill?"
But above all things a knack he had
Of driving gentle machinists mad.
So he mused as he thoughtfully scratched his bean
"Just how can I make this thing hard to machine?"
If I make this perfect body straight
The job had ought to come out first rate
But would be so easy to turn and bore
That it would never make a machinist sore
So I'll put a compound taper there
And a couple of angles to make them swear
And brass would work for this little gear
But its too damned easy to work I fear
So just to make the machinist squeal
I'll make him mill it from tungsten steel
And I'll put these holes that hold the cap
Down underneath where they can't be tapped
Now if they can make this it'll just be luck
Cause it can't be held by dog or chuck
And it can't be planed and it can't be ground
So I feel my design is unusually sound.
And he shouted in glee, "Success at last!
This goddam thing can't even be cast.',

[Philip RoweParticipant @philiprowe13116]

As this thread seems to have wandered slightly, I thought that I would add that in 1973 when I bought my Super 7 supplied new by an ironmongers in Worthing it cost me from memory about £380. As a basic machine it didn't come with any chucks or even a motor, however you did get a faceplate, catch plate and a couple of centres but I can't remember if it had a drive dog. An expensive piece of kit that was unusable as supplied.

Phil

[Billy BeanParticipant @billybean67480]

What is the definition of an engineer? Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

[Billy BeanParticipant @billybean67480]

One afternoon, an engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his, also an engineering student, who said, "Wow! That sure is a great bike. Where did you get it?"

"Well, the darndest thing happened," said the first engineering student. "A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted."

"Wow," remarked his friend. "That's great. Good move. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

[Nick ThorpeParticipant @nickthorpe64546]

I always remember that a new Triumph Tiger motorbike in 1973 cost £437 – I used to spend ages looking at one in the dealer's window in Camberwell. A quick look shows that new Triumphs cost between £8,000 – £10,000 so not wildly different to the price increase on Phil's 1973 Myford at £380 that now costs £8,000 plus VAT.

Nick

[Martin 100Participant @martin100]

Posted by Philip Rowe on 27/02/2018 11:30:53:

in 1973 when I bought my Super 7 supplied new by an ironmongers in Worthing it cost me from memory about £380.

Bank Of England Inflation Calculator

£380 in 1973 = £4,368.98 in 2017

You can buy a really good 5" chuck (Pratt Burnerd / Bison) for 300 quid (including vat) in todays money and a motor is around £150 for something still made in the UK, add in £1000 quid for a stand and a really posh hand polished powder coat / paint job and a bit under 500 quid for the inverter, control gear and chuck guard.

Nope, still can't get anywhere near that 9780 quid

[HopperParticipant @hopper]

A model engineer walks into a bar.

"Damn," he says. "So that's where the one-inch silver steel got to."

Edited By Hopper on 27/02/2018 12:10:11

[HopperParticipant @hopper]

I always liked Neville Shute's description of an engineer, something like: A chap who can do for 10 bob what any fool could do for a Pound.

But much prefer Tom Robbins' description in the book "Skinny Legs and All" of: The kind of guy who could mend the hinges on the gates of Hell if need be. (I have always tried to be that guy. )

[Billy BeanParticipant @billybean67480]

There is a seperate thread for the myford and its cost .

I have got the message that it is over priced, have decided against it so thank you one and all.

Anybody know a good joke, apart from the cost of a myford, so we can get this thread back on track please ?

[Billy BeanParticipant @billybean67480]

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

[Billy BeanParticipant @billybean67480]

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

[Author]

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