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Virus Alert Levels

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Martin King 219/03/2020 11:56:31
717 forum posts
279 photos

Hi All,

A pal just sent me this, it may lighten things up a bit!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to the recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Cheers, Martin laugh

Phil Whitley19/03/2020 12:07:14
avatar
1257 forum posts
147 photos

"LIKE"

Former Member19/03/2020 12:17:19
1329 forum posts

[This posting has been removed]

Fowlers Fury19/03/2020 12:29:36
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351 forum posts
78 photos

Credit where it's due..........

The original was from the great John Cleese, back in around 2013, I think.

mechman4819/03/2020 12:30:12
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2749 forum posts
423 photos

I like this teeth 2 face 23

George.

Mike Woods 119/03/2020 13:28:54
35 forum posts
1 photos

The version I saw had a final comment.

Russia has stated "It wasn't us"

Mick B119/03/2020 15:13:47
1726 forum posts
91 photos
Posted by Mike Woods 1 on 19/03/2020 13:28:54:

The version I saw had a final comment.

Russia has stated "It wasn't us"

Well, they would say that, wouldn't they?

Vic19/03/2020 16:09:12
2611 forum posts
20 photos

Another big like here too!

Mike Poole19/03/2020 16:34:51
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Moderator
2743 forum posts
64 photos

Very good! We must a well balanced lot with a sense of humour, some would be offended and calling for no platform but they are probably busy down the supermarket.smiley

Mike

John Baron19/03/2020 17:00:00
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323 forum posts
139 photos

+1

mike T19/03/2020 17:49:21
173 forum posts
1 photos

What did you do during the virus war Dad?

Well Son, I had the most dangerous job of all.

I was tail gunner on a truck load of bog paper

mark costello 119/03/2020 19:33:44
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607 forum posts
12 photos

World needs more 'Stralians and Scots. On Our side naturally.

not done it yet19/03/2020 19:41:44
5008 forum posts
20 photos

This one perhaps sums up the UK action?

**LINK**

Perhaps not, as we are now finding out...

Nigel Graham 222/03/2020 23:49:33
748 forum posts
16 photos

An American pen-friend asked me about panic.

" Panic ?" I replied. " Panic buying yes, but not otherwise. We Britons do not panic. It's not our way. Instead we grumble about it, have another cup of tea then get on with what needs doing! "

Hopper23/03/2020 05:43:19
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4804 forum posts
105 photos

laugh laugh laugh

Sparks23/03/2020 23:08:12
34 forum posts
3 photos

I reckon we were slow off the mark as usual, from the word go there should have been lock-down - folks arriving at airports weren't being checked, I won't be surprised if things get worse we ain't seen nothing yet.

All our local stores had ran out of loo paper and many other stuff, bags of empty shelf's. Ah, well, an excuse for the government to raise the tax. I was quite surprised to see one chemist had shut it's doors with a notice on it's shutters.... right next door to two doctors surgeries and health clinic.at that.

Dave

Hopper24/03/2020 20:19:02
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4804 forum posts
105 photos
Posted by Martin King 2 on 19/03/2020 11:56:31:

...

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Cheers, Martin laugh

Well our Prime Minister just enacted the final escalation. Things must be getting serious.

fizzy24/03/2020 20:52:33
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1732 forum posts
116 photos

No worries here...ive got Bitdefender Premium virus protection!!

Rockingdodge24/03/2020 23:06:00
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228 forum posts
36 photos

If I get it I want my money back for Norton Antivirus devil

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