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The new talking Mercedes

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3404615/11/2018 08:06:16
483 forum posts
3 photos

Apparently if you want to know something on the new Mercedes you have to say -something like - Hey Mercedes, where is the accelerator and it tells you.

If you say - Hey Mercedes, tell me a joke, it replies with - Sorry, my engineers were German.

henryb15/11/2018 08:16:45
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42 forum posts
3 photos

Mercedes are not like they used to be, Lots of plastic bits and electronics. They seem to go wrong more than the average car now especially the sprinter vans.

I don't like these cars without dipsticks either at all.

Mike Poole15/11/2018 08:47:32
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1968 forum posts
46 photos

Just remind merc owners that they are German taxissmiley

Mike

Jon Lawes15/11/2018 11:50:35
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308 forum posts
I've never found the German sense of humour lacking. However they don't suffer fools gladly.
FMES15/11/2018 12:18:45
588 forum posts
2 photos
Posted by Mike Poole on 15/11/2018 08:47:32:

Just remind merc owners that they are German taxissmiley

Mike

At least the indicators work, unlike BMWs

Lambton15/11/2018 12:19:19
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674 forum posts
2 photos

It is about time that all German car manufactures stopped putting mainly useless gimmicks in their cars and concentrated on providing good honest products that give good value for money and reasonable priced servicing.

vintage engineer15/11/2018 13:33:09
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132 forum posts

Mercedes are absolute junk! Fortunately for me I profit from their poor quality. Heater plugs regularly cease and then snap off! Timing chain sprockets are made from cheap sintered crap and fall apart at about 50k stuffing the engine!

Making steel sprockets and removing heater plugs should pay for my holidays for the foreseeable future!

Vic15/11/2018 14:38:57
2108 forum posts
10 photos

If you look at recent reliability data by the warranty companies all German brands are in the bottom half of the table whilst all Japanese and Korean cars are in the top half. In 2013 Audi were rated the second most unreliable car brand you could buy. As for Mercedes they seem more interested in adding electronic gimmicks than ensuring the car starts in the morning.

3404615/11/2018 15:00:38
483 forum posts
3 photos

German spare parts - worth searching the net . Washer pump went on our VW. Local agent said in stock , 12 months warranty £78 please.

Ebay search - large established motor trade supplier - vw water pump £5 , freepost, 3 years warranty .

Item arrived in a VW box with VAG stamped on it and on pump.

Works a treat,

Bill

Speedy Builder515/11/2018 15:52:49
1778 forum posts
126 photos

HenryB.., Listening to the road traffic reports, I thought that most of the dipsticks were behind the wheel !

Fowlers Fury15/11/2018 16:26:06
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320 forum posts
72 photos

Forget not that about 40 years ago the first new British talking car was a BL Maestro.
Ah ! They don't make cars like that any more....... crying

Ron Laden15/11/2018 16:48:59
1114 forum posts
174 photos

What is the difference between a hedgehog and a German made car..?

I will leave it to you guys for the answer.

Edited By Ron Laden on 15/11/2018 16:49:37

An Other15/11/2018 18:41:59
115 forum posts

Mercs did seem to have a reliability problem some years ago. I used to commute daily between Darmstadt and Stuttgart (They build Mercs there), and it always seemed that the majority of cars which were stopped on the side of the autobahn (presumably broken down) were Mercedes of one type or another (followed by BMW).

Now I live in Romania, and literally thousands of Nth-hand Mercedes and BMWs have been brought in from Germany since the demise of Ceacescu, to replace the old Dacia(Renault) 1300's. They are almost all (or will become) deathtraps, because there are very limited repair facilities here (and the Romanian income is even more limited). Some of them are in horrendous condition (There is an 'MOT' check (ITP), but enforcement is virtually nil).

This problem will probably only get worse, given the technological complexity of modern cars. It isn't enough to be a mechanical engineer, you need electronic knowledge as well.

blowlamp15/11/2018 19:30:45
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1195 forum posts
82 photos
Posted by Ron Laden on 15/11/2018 16:48:59:

What is the difference between a hedgehog and a German made car..?

I will leave it to you guys for the answer.

Edited By Ron Laden on 15/11/2018 16:49:37

Does the hedgehog have lower emissions?

Barnaby Wilde15/11/2018 19:47:11
347 forum posts
1 photos

I used to work in vehicle recovery & often got asked what's the best car to buy

Best answer was to pop in the workshop, count how many ramps, count how many fitters over the age of 17 then count how many spaces left in the rear car park. Add all these together then pop round to the local Mazda dealer & have a cuppa with their solo fitter

henryb15/11/2018 19:51:43
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42 forum posts
3 photos

I have seen on Bentleys and some porsches audi and vw printed on the parts. They are nothing like the Real Bentleys anymore.

Barnaby Wilde15/11/2018 20:01:03
347 forum posts
1 photos

Are you ready for the bestest rude joke ever?

There isn't any particular animal that can lay claim to be the ugliest on earth, but the Warthog has to be in anyone's top 5 list. The female Warthog in particular was definately late to join the queue when they were handing out looks.

Not many people know this & I doubt that Dickie Attenborough would ever be so impolite to mention it, but the female Warthog has a very peculiar (ahem) 'Hairy Mary'. The female Warthogs tuppence looks like this . . .

https://tinyurl.com/y8f2h7se

If that weasn't misfortune enough, she has a complex anal passage which looks something like this . . .

https://tinyurl.com/y9lvbrdb

So next time you see anything that looks like these you know what it is

Nicholas Wheeler 115/11/2018 22:56:12
254 forum posts
13 photos
Posted by Mick Charity on 15/11/2018 19:47:11:

I used to work in vehicle recovery & often got asked what's the best car to buy

Best answer was to pop in the workshop, count how many ramps, count how many fitters over the age of 17 then count how many spaces left in the rear car park. Add all these together then pop round to the local Mazda dealer & have a cuppa with their solo fitter

I used to get the same question, although my answer was slightly different:

I told them that we all went to the local Mercedes dealers on a daily basis, closely followed by BMW and Audi. The last year I worked, I went to Toyota dealers three times; one was a clutch wornout at 120,000 miles, another was an immobiliser issue and the third was a turbo fault on a diesel. The Korean manufacturers are pretty good too. My experience of modern German cars is that they are overengineered, under developed and surprisingly poorly built. Plus, they're horrible to work on.

Trevor Drabble15/11/2018 23:46:58
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187 forum posts
5 photos

Many years ago , when the rear wiper motor on a VW Polo belonging to a work colleague failed I agreed to fix it for her . At that time it was a dealer-only part and so ordered one from local VW dealer . When on collection I complained at the £105 asking price I was told that if I thought that was expensive , then to remember that the same item was fitted throughout the VAG range ,and that the price increased according to which vehicle it was fitted to .

thaiguzzi16/11/2018 02:41:17
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533 forum posts
108 photos
Posted by Mike Poole on 15/11/2018 08:47:32:

Just remind merc owners that they are German taxissmiley

 

Mike

Back in the day, and probably up to the end of the 80's, IMHO, i would say they were the most reliable car you could buy, and probably the best car made.

Talking to German taxi drivers in the 60-70-80's, i was told the common story of their cars (all Mercedes diesels) doing half a million kilometres before being pulled for a rebuild, (manual g/box left alone and in), then a further 500k, so a full million kms, before being sold off to the private market. And that's years of driving thru winters and salted roads too.

The phrase "they don't make them like they used to" springs to mind.

Edited By thaiguzzi on 16/11/2018 02:42:10

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